Where are You summer??

Its 3:03 am and i am still up finishing up a group assignment. It has been like that for the past couple of nights. So sad! But it HAS to be done.. I just can' t wait for the thrill during exams! ~exaggerating~
Newho, I was watching.. none other than OPRAH the other day. Sarah Jessica Parker was on the show and they were introducing their best place they like to stay. And low and behold, Sarah's was NYC! She showed different places and the trip to new york a couple months pass came flooding back. SURE miss those times of no distress and carefree minds. There was MOMA, CPK, and CHINA TOWN (bargain hunting... so fun).

I can't wait until summer is FINALLY here. Although i have to take summer school, i can't wait for lil summer dresses, capri pants, SOFTBALL, camping and trips without luggin a stupid coat! O summer, where for art thou?!

I really should go to sleep now. so tah tah!

- She thinks she's ugly- (Dove)
I remember there was a time when i was around in grade 6 when i was REALLY chubby. I would get rude chubby comments which really hurts. I think there's a time in everyone's life where they are unhappy about themselves, especially in regards to their weight. At 21, i can say that i am still struggling. I was watching, once again, Oprah today and it was talking mainly about girls and their self-confidence. There was a girl that ate to seek comfort but never received it after eating. I believe she ate because she had a hole in her life that needed to be filled. And it is up to ourselves to decide what to fill that hole with. Either food (for temporary fulfillment) or seeds that would eventually grow and blossom into beautiful flowers. It is definitely easy to say then to do, but we must continuously tell ourselves that we are made the way we are. One of lady on the show said that "if we love ourselves for the way we are, people can't do anything but forced to love the way we are". I truly believe that in order to have others accept and love us, we must love ourselves first.

Sometimes parents can say things that hurt us. For example, "you can lose a couple of pounds" or "you look beautiful in that dress. But if you lost of weight, you would look exceptional!" We must not forget that they are saying these not to hurt us, but to show in their kind of way that they want what is best for us! It is hard to comprehend or accept at the time, but that's the truth!

I think I've come to terms over the years that there are always going to be people that are prettier and with more talented than I am, but if i waste my time dwelling on the things i dont' have, I'll never fully appreciate all the things I do have. We are all unique in our own ways; there is only one person in the world who is exactly like me.. and thats ME!

I know there are times where i would compare with others, but i've learned to use it as a guideline to strive to be better, not to BE them. =)

"But each man has his own gift from God; one has the gift another has that." (1 corinthians 7:7b)

I always wonder what it would it be like to have a really "close" family. Most people say that little rivals and disputes here and there are the daily routines of siblings, but sometimes its just boarderline FRUSTRATING! I understand in order to become an interwined family, hard work and effort must be but into it. There comes times that call for compassion, understanding and patience (ALOT OF IT apparently). However there are just moments when you can strangle yourself from the frustration. I just wished i could let things slide and not be bothered by it, but for some reason i can't seem to get rid of the anger that bottles up inside of me. Why is that?!??!?!?!?!

Although i have not read a lot of passages from the bible yet, but i know for a fact that He is so forgiving. I mean He died on the cross for US, even when we don't truely deserve it. I know in comparision to what He's been through, my sibling rivals are the least bit significant. But it's still astonishing to me as to how forgiving God really is. He is truely all mighty! I just wish someday i can learn to be as forgiving as he is.

On another note, yesterday i was watching Opera (which i FINALLY got a chance to). They had Meg Ryan and Lucy Lui on talking about the tramatic experiences when they went to countries that were surounded by devastations. I believe Meg went to India and sought out groups of women that were empowering themselves although they dont' have a lot. Lucy also went to a part of Asia where they experienced a dramatic earthquake that left millions dead and basically nothing left of the land. They had lost everything! It really got me thinking. Am i really being productive in what i do. I mean in terms of how significant what i do is in affecting others. Sometimes i think we take for granted that things we have because its so easy to obtain for us. For example, school seems like a daily task in which we must complete. But in other countries, people have to walk miles just to sit in a tent to learn a little something. Also, we can leave our plates full of food because we are just too full to take another bit. Meanwhile, others have gone on for days without water and food. After watching this, i wonder why i get so attempted in buying those "brand name" clothing or buy so much food to eat until my belly button popped or generally spend money like theres no worries in the world. But in fact, if i had resisted my need to buy that Artizia shirt, a child could go to school for a year. If i bought a cheaper meal and saved a couple dollars, a town would be able to get food, water and shelter. Or if i didnt' watch that movie in the theaters, thousands of people could get better (or some form of) medical treatment. Theres so much we can do with the little changes in our lives. It may seem insignificant to us, but it means the WORLD to them. After watching the show, i've come to ponder if what i do in the future (i.e. become an accountant) can actually help those in need. I say that "if i were well-off, i would go to help people in the 3rd world countries". But the fact is that I am selfish in saying that. Selfish in the sense that i am thinking of myself. You don't have to be rich to help those in need. All that is needed is a giving heart. Truely, i'm awaiting on my calling to see what i can be to make that difference.
It aches to see those in suffering, but hurts more to know that i'm sitting here not doing anything about it!

~Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others ~ 1 Peter 4:10